tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post110789829622601103..comments2024-01-01T09:20:22.363-05:00Comments on Brutal Women: Nice GuysUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1108044397135590982005-02-10T09:06:00.000-05:002005-02-10T09:06:00.000-05:00Just wanted to say great post on violence in (hete...Just wanted to say great post on violence in (hetero) relationships, Kameron. For any of us who've been there & had to fight long and hard with ourselves to get out of that mindset, it's always heartrending to hear other women talking about how they're "happy" to accept a certain level of abuse--whether emotional or physical--in their relationships. It's just nice to hear voices of sanity out Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107986017006816142005-02-09T16:53:00.000-05:002005-02-09T16:53:00.000-05:00Thanks for the additional comments Kameron, I thin...Thanks for the additional comments Kameron, I think they were useful and valuable coming from a personal perspective. I agree that violence short of physical assault is also a serious issue, and one that is doubly difficult to address as it seems to be so damn common.<br /><br />Me, I'm not going to touch the 'nice guy' thread other than to note for Jennifer and others that all the necessary Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107971489397000852005-02-09T12:51:00.000-05:002005-02-09T12:51:00.000-05:00Avoiding the whole violence thing here like the pl...Avoiding the whole violence thing here like the plague, this post reminds me of my favorite quote on the topic. (Woman who said it had to go anonymous due to a stalker.)<br /><br />"Nice Guys have built a whole persona and mystique about being Nice. Nice Guys like to rattle off their qualifications like: I don’t hit girls; I open car doors; I don’t interrupt; I bought her candy on our anniversaryAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107963858941476672005-02-09T10:44:00.000-05:002005-02-09T10:44:00.000-05:00Bmmg39 says "It irks me when some other women sugg...Bmmg39 says "It irks me when some other women suggest that their boyfriends/husbands are violent thugs because they hit BACK, while believing that women themselves have the right to hit FIRST. No one should be hitting anyone, no matter how big or small people may be."<br /><br />It is certainly true that no one should be hitting anyone and neither men nor women have the right to hit first. I Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107961079368451552005-02-09T09:57:00.000-05:002005-02-09T09:57:00.000-05:00Re: violence in relationships...
Yea, I see you ...Re: violence in relationships... <br /><br />Yea, I see you two took the debate back over to Hugo's, which is great. For regular readers, though, I did want to weigh in on my thoughts about violence in relationships, as violence/coercion/intimidation between two people or among a group of people is less about broken bones and police reports and more about power; demonstrating who's in control, Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107939366144187722005-02-09T03:56:00.000-05:002005-02-09T03:56:00.000-05:00Thanks TB for that update on the logic front. Emer...Thanks TB for that update on the logic front. Emergency room visits are not quite a proxy for assaults, which may or may not be treated on an emergency basis. Logic flees at your approach. But again, those dogs do not have to be yours, right? They can be your neighbors, the junk yard dog, the store guard dog, the police dog. You don't have to be 'intimate' with him or her, right? Yep, there's Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107936727428540642005-02-09T03:12:00.000-05:002005-02-09T03:12:00.000-05:00I'd already read your reply and I'd decided not to...I'd already read your reply and I'd decided not to comment, because I can tell by this line...<br /><br />"That's why you're with a nice guy who understands that. If you were with a true 'jerk', you'd know differently. Really."<br /><br />...that you didn't really grok the essence of my essay.<br /><br />BTW, according to the findings in the Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107921887152967772005-02-08T23:04:00.000-05:002005-02-08T23:04:00.000-05:00I liked the post Kameron, I thought it was fairly ...I liked the post Kameron, I thought it was fairly insightful. I think I'll agree to disagree with typhonblue on the violence in relationships bit. I think I understand where she's coming from as per her comments, still it's a pretty silly thing to believe in as a general principle. Of course it sounds 'way cooler' than it looks in reality. <br /><br />It's typically reasonably difficult for any Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107909117273763662005-02-08T19:31:00.000-05:002005-02-08T19:31:00.000-05:00"If a woman wants to live with a man who slaps her..."If a woman wants to live with a man who slaps her, that's fine by me."<br /><br />As long as we all acknowledge the difference between the BDSM lifestyle ("safe, sane, and consensual") and domestic violence. <br /><br /><A></A><A></A>Posted by<A><B> </B></A><A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/r?http%3A%2F%2Fbrutalwomen.blogspot.com%2F2005%2F02%2Fnice-guys.html" TITLE="nbarrettlincoln at yahoo Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107907702845456872005-02-08T19:08:00.000-05:002005-02-08T19:08:00.000-05:00Ohhhhhhhhh shit. Violence in relationships.
Oh, ...Ohhhhhhhhh shit. Violence in relationships. <br /><br />Oh, man. Do I really want to take this one on? <br /><br />I'm gonna go jogging and come back to it... <br /><br />Wowee.  <br /><br /><A></A><A></A>Posted by<A><B> </B></A><A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/r?http%3A%2F%2Fbrutalwomen.blogspot.com" TITLE="kameron_hurley at hotmail dot com">Kameron Hurley</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107906126794977632005-02-08T18:42:00.000-05:002005-02-08T18:42:00.000-05:00Hi, again Amanda. So trolling is classified as dis...Hi, again Amanda. So trolling is classified as disagreeing with a point of view? I don't remember ever engaging in troll tactics while I was at hugo's board. I never insulted you or the others who responded to me, nor did I shirk away from explaining my position. Further, what I was arguing against was women's lack of responsibility, not men *shirking* responsibility. <br /><br />BTW, the Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107905923565663412005-02-08T18:38:00.000-05:002005-02-08T18:38:00.000-05:00Not knowing anything about her or her relationship...Not knowing anything about her or her relationship I figured that the hitting thing was hyperbole - but if it's not then it is a bit disturbing. She also characterizes women in a way that I'm not particularly comfortable with either. <br /><br />All in all I agree with it. I'm not quite sure why Hugo thought that it was an attack on him (though if she was trolling his blog a while back that Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107905802847200912005-02-08T18:36:00.000-05:002005-02-08T18:36:00.000-05:00All this "Nice Guy" stuff has me flashing back to ...All this "Nice Guy" stuff has me flashing back to high school and college, when I was precisely that guy.<br /><br />Eventually I wised up, because it's hard to say things like "it's easier for women to be in relationships than men" for very long if you have any mathematical ability whatsoever. <br /><br /><A></A><A></A>Posted by<A><B> </B></A><A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/r?http%3A%2F%Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107904806085648022005-02-08T18:20:00.000-05:002005-02-08T18:20:00.000-05:00Thanks for the background, Amanda. Yea, the hittin...Thanks for the background, Amanda. Yea, the hitting thing was just... weird. <br /><br />There was enough... OK stuff there that I felt like I could take it to a slightly different place that was more positive, but knowing some background lets me go back and read over her post again with some context. <br /><br /><A></A><A></A>Posted by<A><B> </B></A><A HREF="http://www.blogger.com/r?http%3AAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107903741739308592005-02-08T18:02:00.001-05:002005-02-08T18:02:00.001-05:00"She has some interesting stuff up, and some good ..."She has some interesting stuff up, and some good thoughts. But I worry when she says she's happy to have Jerk boyfriend who'll hit her back when she hits him. If you guys are smacking the crap out of each other in anger, you shouldn't be together."<br /><br />I agree with that. At least she's being somewhat fair, I guess. It irks me when some other women suggest that their boyfriends/husbands Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107903729845547252005-02-08T18:02:00.000-05:002005-02-08T18:02:00.000-05:00"She has some interesting stuff up, and some good ..."She has some interesting stuff up, and some good thoughts. But I worry when she says she's happy to have Jerk boyfriend who'll hit her back when she hits him. If you guys are smacking the crap out of each other in anger, you shouldn't be together."<br /><br />I agree with that. At least she's being somewhat fair, I guess. It irks me when some other women suggest that their boyfriends/husbands Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107902121783902002005-02-08T17:35:00.000-05:002005-02-08T17:35:00.000-05:00Damn good post.
I've read all three pieces and th...Damn good post.<br /><br />I've read all three pieces and they are quite interesting. I understand that nice guys aren't, necessarily, and that jerks are not people I want to be involved with, but I have finally figured out that there is some middle ground. I had to stop being so concerned with making sure I was being nice and deal with myself first, though, or I never would have gotten there. IfAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7463512.post-1107900767306094462005-02-08T17:12:00.000-05:002005-02-08T17:12:00.000-05:00Typonblue trolled Hugo's blog for a long time slam...Typonblue trolled Hugo's blog for a long time slamming feminists because we dare say that men should be responsible for themselves. So while some of her instincts are good, she misses the mark completely. Witness the beating remark--lurking in there is the belief that men only hit women in retaliation. In reality, men who hit women usually do so to control them. <br /><br /><A></A><A></A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com