Friday, September 17, 2004

Adventures in Booksitting

The adventures of a Barnes & Noble employee:

This is the most fucked up thing to ever happen to me at work: Basically, I am calling a customer because the book she ordered has come in. A three year old picks up the phone and gargles into my ear before handing the phone to her father. I ask for the woman who ordered the book by name and he asks rather suspiciously: "Who is this?" I tell him it is "Barnes and Noble in Northville calling," and he says "Okay hold on." Five minutes (literally) later he yells to his wife (I presume) in an extremely sarcastic manner that "Barnes and Noble is on the phone!" Another few minutes later she picks up, and the other line hangs up. Before I can say anything she whispers in a shrill voice: "I know it's you! I told you never to call me at home!" This catches me a little bit off guard. All I can manage to say is "Excuse me?" to which she replies: "Ohmygod. Ohmygod. I thought you were someone else." I then tell her that her book is in and hang up.

Important: If you are buying something and the scanner doesn't work, and you say "Must be free!" and offer a shit-eating grin, well then shame on you. Presumably you believe the clerk is thinking: "Boy! what a silly guy! Perhaps his background is in improvisational comedy!" But you are wrong. Dead wrong. What the clerk is really thinking is: "If one more person says that today, I will attack with such ferocity that seasoned police officers will weep upon discovering the bloody remains."

Once, while attempting to locate a book on Breastfeeding for an older woman, she caught me off guard by stating matter-of-factly: "It was smart of God to make the baby and the milk come at the same time." Yes. Yes, it was.

It's That Time of Year Again...

What time of year, you may ask? Why, the 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day!

What, you don't get a paid day off that day? Oh, hell, it's a Sunday! Who cares??

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

Check out this Pirate Ninja Adventure

How Pirate Are You?

And, for more workday fun try: The English-to-Pirate Translator

How about a pirate name? We all need one of those...

My pirate name is:

Bloody Mary Flint

Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

via boingboing

Snapshots From my Worklife, 3

8:15 am - Arrive at work after walking in from the train station. Put lunch in the fridge. Open up my e-mail, update the sitetracker.

8:18 am - Download a copy of games from Play Antz and 3D Morris. The Antz usually win.

9:00 am - read random blogs.

9:30 am - open chapter 27. Snarl at it. Close chapter 27.

9:55 am - open one of the early chapters of book 2. Type a couple sentences. Snarl at them. Close early chapters.

10:00 am - update my blog

10:30 am - nibble on some almonds, have a string cheese or something.

11:00 am - get more coffee. Play Antz again.

12:00 pm - Open chapter 27. Snarl at it. Reread the beginning. Delete something.

12:30 pm - Lose at Antz again. Play 3D Morris. Lose at that too. Download some more free games.

1pm - Lunch. Read a couple chapters of Zelazny's The Guns of Avalon. Go for a walk at the nature preserve across the street.

2pm - print something out for my boss. Harass Yellow about something random (if he's still in the office).

2:01 pm - Lose at 3D Morris

2:30 pm - Write a couple more sentences in chapter 5 of book two. Update my blog. Cruise adding books to my wishlist.

3:00 pm - Open chapter 27, replace everything I deleted

3:30 pm - have some coffee and a protein bar, download more free games.

4:15 pm - read random blogs

4:50 pm - go home.

I get paid for this.