There is totally someone vomiting in the hall right now.
I'm going to bed.
Monday, March 27, 2006
My boss wants me to maintain my purgatory here in Indy every week, preferably 3-4 days a week. I tried to get him to compromise at 2, but it turns out our client just canned the person who does the equivalent of my job for them, and now I need to help out until everybody's happy.
Thing is - I hate it here. Really hate it. I have no car, and there isn't anywhere to go anyway. I walked to a little Mexican place for dinner, and picked up some things at the grocery store on the way back. It's a nice walk to get the blood flowing, but there are no sidewalks, so I have to walk in the street.
I suppose the good news is: all there is to do here is write and read. And swim in the pool.
I was just starting to get over all of my stress, so adding this to the mix really wasn't a great idea. I stepped onto the puddle jumper plane and had to fight down the urge to scramble back off the plane and run screaming through the terminal. Stress exacerbates my claustrophobia, but even knowing that, I startle myself when I feel it.
I've been crying a lot more over odd little things, too. I kept tearing up while watchingt V for Vendetta, of all things.
"All happiness depends on courage and work," Balzac once said. "I have had many periods of wretchedness, but with energy and above all with illusions, I pulled through them all."
Until he died at 50. I'd like to keep trucking a little longer than that.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your early career. Oh nevermind;
you will not understand the power and beauty of your early career until they have faded
and you can barely eke out a few three-act short stories a year
for semi-pro magazines who just want your D-list name on the cover.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at jacket photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you
and how brilliant you really were.
You’re not as bad at this as you imagine.
The instructor for my Friday yoga class was a woman who trained in India, the sort who could turn herself into a pretzel at will.
“And this is a preparatory exercise so that eventually you’ll be able to do this!” and then she proceeded to contort herself in a Cirque de Soleil fashion.
I’m enjoying these classes at the end of the day. They really relax me and help me unwind. The first one kicked my ass and I was sore for three days. The second one wasn’t nearly as bad, physically. We spent a lot of time talking about the forms and the philosophy behind the forms, which meant less intensity, but more time for thinking about what we were doing.
The end is always the best part, sitting in the dark, closing your eyes, letting everything fall away.
I have been carrying so much.
“People shouldn’t fear their governments. Governments should fear their people.”
“Don’t give an inch.”
“When you no longer fear, you are free.”
Jenn and I went out and saw V for Vendetta on Saturday – fantastic show, highly recommended.