I've kicked back up my fitness routine the last couple of weeks, and every time I go to the gym I contemplate paying for a couple training sessions a month from the personal trainers there. Thing is, I can't afford another $100 a month in fitness costs (the gym is already $55 a month).
Today as I walked into the gym I started along the same track... and then realized I have two perfectly good personal trainers at work who have been trying to get more people to come to them for additional workout regimes and nutrition advice to step up our health and wellness program at work. And that doesn't cost money!
I've been wanting to kick up this routine for awhile, but I needed a stable homelife in order to do that. That is, when you're not concentrating on things like where your next insulin hit is coming from, you can afford to spent more time thinking about how to get wicked buff again.
I'll outline a set of goals tonight and setup a meeting with one of our trainers for later this week (work is going to be crazy tomorrow and Thursday, but Friday should have a bit of breathing room). Basically, I want to be buff again, and I want it to be *noticeable.* I'm surprisingly strong now, but that's not readily apparent because I'm probably about 30 lbs heavier than I need to be. I don't mind the extra weight - it's quite comfortable, but if I'm going for a wicked buff look, it's not doing me any favors.
As opposed to weight numbers, I'd prefer to concentrate on clothing sizes, since weight numbers really don't tell me anything. I'm looking to go from a comfortable 16 to a comfortable 12, which is what I was in Alaska when I was working out six days a week (which is what it's going to take - let's face it).
I honestly really welcome the up tempo. As noted, I have a ton of excess energy to burn off, and I think this is a great way to harness that (and being buffer and sleeker sure won't hurt for the book launch next year).
I tend to work better when I'm in better shape anyway, and that's never been so true as it's been since I got the sugar death, so hey.
Win all around.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Excess Energy
Other Things that Annoy Me
People in general.
I'm glad I'm working out tonight.
Now go do a hundred pushups.
I'm starting to think...
... that I may actually be one of those people who only really falls hard for people who don't like them.
Some of this is hard conditioning from grade school, you know? I spent years... YEARS pining after people I knew were impossible crushes. You know, those kinds of guys who never looked twice at you in school. The ones who wanted to be "just friends." I nurtured these crushes for ages and ages. In fact, I can think of maybe three people who took up the entirety of my fantasy crush time from 3rd grade to 10th grade. That's just sad. But it did keep me out of trouble.
And then in high school I didn't have much experience with dating people I pined after or who really liked me because there was, you know, just the one guy for three years. Who, yes, I did get bored with quite often. But everytime I got bored there was some psycho thing going on and some near breakup, and then him in tears and crazy screaming, and so that drug out way too long, because I was like, "Well, look, nobody else likes me!" Then I finally dumped him for the final time and took six years off because if that's what a relationship was, I wanted to fucking part of it.
So when I started dating again three years ago, I generally, you know, dated people who really liked me.
And it was weird. Then I was crazy for a year of that. And crazy shit happened. And I was like, "Dating people who really like you is CRAZY!"
But really, the crazy was just me.
Then suddenly I grew up and got better and realized hey, love is not so scary! It just fucks you up and breaks your heart, but damn, the sex is great! I should just go for it!
And that, of course, freaks people out.
But now I find myself doing my usual routine again, pining after people who just aren't interested in the least and just aren't available. And I'm thinking, "What the hell is the point of this? I've had people want to die over me, and turned down all these marriage proposals, and here I am, pining after jerks and losers again," and then I'm like, "Well, yeah, that sure is a lot easier than having a real relationship, isn't it?" And I'm like, "Why, yes, yes it is!"
I'm in that crappy place right now that good girls get into, which is that I really want to get laid but really don't want to get into a relationship because I'm so fucking tired of bland, passionless first dates and I can't spend any money anyway, but I'm not the type who goes out to a bar looking for a one night stand because, let's be honest, I just can't get off having sex with some random stranger (gee, sucks to be me!). Why am I so boring??
So it's summertime, and I love my life.
It just sucks that I also have a sex drive.
Blast.
But seriously, what a waste of my time. I'm not in gradeschool anymore. I have better things to do with my fantasy time... like, you know, plotting out the first half of Babylon.
Which would actually be a whole hell of a lot more productive.
