Monday, February 21, 2005

Shit I Never Thought I'd Be Doing

I've been in three different time zones in the last two days. It's now 10pm Denver time, 11pm Chicago time, midnight in New York, and I just got back from the gym where I put in my jogging time. I ate at the airport because I knew that the only place near the hotel was a sit-down, and by the time I finished there, it'd be midnight, and I'd have lost my workout time.

This was hard. It was a bitch just to psych myself up to get down there, but if I want to get in three days this week, I had to go down tonight. My motivation was simple: I repeated over and over to myself, "You'll feel better afterwards. You'll feel a lot better. You're feeling twitchy and anxious because you're traveling so much and living out of hotels and so much is on your mind, and if you exercise, you're going to feel about 80 times better. It's meditation time."

That was the only way I could get down there. Even then, I committed to a time limit instead of a miles limit because I feared I'd peter out. So it was a couple minutes walking at the beginning, a couple for cool-down at the end, and twenty minutes of jogging in the middle. I tried to stumble off toward the free weights after this, but I already did my weights this morning, and I was exhausted.

I'm committed to taking care of myself. I'm committed to being this person. The great thing about having been the absolute worst person you can be is that you always have a place you never want to go back to, and you can look at yourself now, and look at yourself then, and look forward and go, "Yea, it's possible. I can be that fucking cool."

It's possible. It's just really fucking difficult.

Stumbled back upstairs, setting my alarm for a day in Denver.

EDIT: Took out some work stuff that - it occurs to me in the light of day - might get me into trouble if it makes it back to a client.

I need to be making more money.

I'm exhausted. I was IMing my buddy Julian this morning, and peppering everything with a bunch of stupid spelling errors. I'm just wacky. I miss my MA classes so damn much. I want to go to class on Saturday, but I think I'll be risking my sanity. I'm going to need to sleep.

By Saturday, I'll have lost track of what timezone I'm in.

4 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

Anonymous said...

Me, I smell an opportunity here. Your instincts are right, you are at your most valuable to them now, and they're at their most vulnerable. Now's the time to put in for a raise. It's only your life, and these guys will steal every last minute of your available time to devote to their services and making themselves great. If you are making the sacrifices (and you are) you should be paid commensurately. You can use the funds save for school too.  

Posted by VJ

Anonymous said...

Hey Kameron, I just wanted to let you know that you're my blogging hero! I've been reading and reading and have to say that you are clearly creating one of the most inspirational blogs I've ever read.  

Posted by Kristy

Anonymous said...

Just saying hello. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself despite the difficulty. Perhaps I shall use you as a role model. ;-) 

Posted by Beverly

Anonymous said...

OMG. I both hate and worship you. I've been on the road since the beginning of the year (and I spent 16 weeks on the road last year) and my eating habits are just horrible and my excercise nonexistant. Nada. I keep thinking I should walk or get on a treadmill or something - nothing. It's not really affecting my weight (I can't eat during the day with the exception of lunch since I'm in court the whole time) but I'm just feeling flabby and icky and blech. I just can't motivate myself to do anything on the road. Well, that said, I congratulate you on your strong will and wish you the best at continuing your efforts to remain healthy and active on the road.  

Posted by Rebecca