Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Someone Else's Thoughts on Attraction & Desire

Nice post by ActivistGradGirl about desire and attraction, which I may have linked to before, but which I've recently re-read, and still like very much.

I love examining desire and attraction, because not only are they deeply personal respones, but they're also unique to each person. It's one of the reasons I've always hated sexuality labels, and the ways in which we're allowed to talk about sex. There's a dialogue we aren't really allowed to have, when we try to pretend that desire and attraction are exactly the same across the board.

2 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

Anonymous said...

It's the messiness of it all (to be a little chliche) that makes it very difficult and very fun.

I tend to date bi women, mostly because I like/identify to some extent with dyke culture--so these issues come up again and again in my life. She's got a reallyinteresting take on it. Thanks for the link. 

Posted by jpjeffrey

Anonymous said...

Yea, I really like watching her work through this stuff. I know it's something I spent a couple of years figuring out - there was never a question about whether or not I liked guys, but figuring how how much of my blindness to women had to do with sexism and conceptions of desire and how much had to do with me really not being that hot on women (or attracted to them in a different way) took some time.

I'm pretty happy with my conclusions, but I've found them to be deeply personal, very different from the ways that other people talk about desire/attraction. I've also recently realized that not everybody has desire spikes like I do, and that crawl-across-the-table attraction isn't something most people feel very often, which interests me.

We're all very unique when it comes to sexuality, and I'd wager a guess that it's because sexuality is such a hodge-podge of social and genetic factors that the odds of coming up with the exact same mix - and meeting someone with that same mix - is pretty difficult. Makes things more interesting and fun of course.

Hence, there's a wide array of fetishes, preferences, wild-crazy factors, and other various assortments of taste that come into play when examining why we're attracted/drawn to some people and not others.

I know that I'm continually amazed at the sweethearts I'm *not* attracted to, and the "gosh, I really should't be attracted to him"s that I *am* attracted to. Which would be why I find this subject so interesting. Hell, I'm fascinated by myself more often than not.  

Posted by Kameron Hurley