Wednesday, April 20, 2005

The Update: Still Employed, Almost Not-Sick, Still in Workout Limbo, Still in Writing Limbo, Still... Alive

Finally trekked into PP and said, "Do I just have a Super Yeast Infection from Hell, or what?"

And she's like, "Yea, you just have a Super Yeast Infection from Hell. Here's some Super Medication. Get yourself some over the counter treatment next time right away instead of waiting a week hoping it'll just go away, cause otherwise, it does what it's been doing, lingering and recurring when you're stressed."


I seem to have beat this year's sinus problems as well now, but only just. Starting to feel totally human again. It's been a long time.

Also getting off the pill and getting an IUD next Friday, which'll help the depression upsurge, the mood swings, the breakthrough bleeding, lower sex drive, and all-around wackiness I've been dealing with since I got it (oh yes, you all realize, *this* is why it's been so quiet at Brutal Women lately). Between sicknesses of various kinds and general wackiness, I just haven't had the energy to write full-blown rants. My workout schedule crashed and burned, and I need to fucking get back to my fucking MA classes. I'm barely keeping a healthy diet together.

I also found out I owe the equivalent of 1/3 my monthly income in taxes.

For fuck's sake.

My body's stressed out about what I'll be doing after this next year - I still plan to take the LSATs, but more and more, I'm concerned about that path. All I fucking want to do is write books. Do I want to add 100K of debt and have all my free time taken up with law? Yea, it'd be fun to learn - if I could afford it and if it didn't suck the rest of my life from me. More and more, I just want to move to a new city, get a job, and write. Or continue on in this city, and write. But money's a big issue, and I don't do well living on my own. Yea, I can live by myself: I just notice that I do a lot better, mentally, living with other people.

So it's a concern. I'm mulling it over. Things seem to be sliding back into place, but it's taking a long time. I have a year to figure my shit out.

Looking forward to Wiscon at the end of next month. Looking forward to time away from this brain-numbing job.

Looking... forward. In the mean time, things'll be a little off around here. I'm considering shutting down the blog all together, because I think it takes away from my real writing. The alternative is to just continue with these shorter linkage-posts, which are easy, and rant when I feel like ranting, but not make a production out of it. I just don't have the time.

We'll see how it pans out.

11 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

Anonymous said...

While I understand your need/desire to post less or even shut down the ol' blog, just let me be the first to chime in that it would be a shame for your readers. Completely selfish of me, I know. Yer the first thing I read online in the morning. You're insightful (even when you're not ranting) and funny. Just wanted to get that in. 

Posted by jeffreyp

Anonymous said...

Ha. Thanks, Jeff. We'll see how it goes. As noted, it's been hell the last couple of months. The hope is that this hell is a temporary state. ;) 

Posted by Kameron Hurley

Anonymous said...

Besides, without a blog where would you get good advice about yeast infections?

Can you tolerate dairy? B/c, if so, either eating live-culture yogurt or drinking acidophilous milk will really help prevent yeast infections. (You can also use yogurt as an at-home treatment rather than buying Monistat, btw). If you can't tolerate dairy, but you get yeast infections fairly regularly, it's worth buying acidophilous at a health food store and taking it every day with your bcp. 

Posted by bitchphd

Anonymous said...

All good suggestions from Dr. B. My vote is to keep on keeping on with the 'hit and run' blog posts, and whenever you feel like it, let loose on something/body, as needed. And yes, a goodly proportion of the world would just like to slip away and write mostly, but this takes money and some support. This can and has historically be done on a smallish salary, but that takes the kind of discipline many of our Marines seem incapable of currently. Ergo the law suggestion. I still think it's a good fit, but there is one other common way to be able to accomplish your stated aims a bit more easily than that. Marry well. That takes some luck though. And no, it's nothing to sneeze at!

But other than that, everyone needs something they can 'do' for cash money, even in a pinch. And it's never dependable waiting for rescue from some white Knight, and fiction writing has almost never been able to pay the full freight of living a middle class existence here in the USA.

Plumbing might be less stressful, ditto carpentry, but in Chicago you might have to get some training for that and break into a Union after an apprenticeship. Attractive, but you don't get to go to all the parties with wine and glasses. And you'd make your own hours...and have health care. Well you see where this is heading, right? Public service sector and you walking a beat as one of Chicago's finest. That's the spear point of the law as it were. But good luck. Me, I'm on deadline...  

Posted by VJ

Anonymous said...

Ha. Hey, Dr. B - yea, yogurt. Problem was, by the time I figured out what hell was wrong with me and started living on yogurt (and living on yogurt... and living on yogurt... did I mention that I've been living on yogurt for three weeks?), I was apparently already too far gone for that to make a huge difference right away (yay! Multiplying yeast!). And I made the really dumb decision to drink a beer when I thought I was cleared up...

Hence. Recurrence.

I think a lot of it also has to do with this new bc pill. I haven't been on this one before, and it's fucking with me (one of the side effects is an increase in infections). Which is another big reason why I'm looking forward to the IUD appointment next week, and hoping that takes well.

And yea, blogs are great for learning about sexual health! That's what I'm here for, dealing with PP and feminine health and sharing my knowledge with the "masses"... ;) ha.

Thanks for the suggestions, VJ. Yea, I have a *lot* on my mind right now. A lot to consider. It's all up in the air.

We'll see how it pans out.


Posted by Kameron Hurley

Anonymous said...

Kam! Yo! I emailed you a week or so ago, but no response. Anyway, I just wanted to say hey and sorry about the yeasties (BTW, Acidophilus also comes in capsule supplements, which might be something to try.) and woo-hoo about the IUD---I've had the Paraguard (copperT) for a 1 1/2 years now and I love it, totally hassle free and extremely effective. Sorry things have been so stressful lately, hope things start improving for you soon. Take care, JenJen 

Posted by JenJen

Anonymous said...

I've had the Paraguard (no hormones) for three years, and it's great. It makes me bleed like crazy the first two days of my period, but I can live with that. I can't use cloth pads - my preferred menstrual-blood manager - all the time, though. I bleed through them too quickly. And you absolutely have to use condoms if you have more than one monogamous male partner - but we should all be doing that anyway. The IUD is great. Totally effective.

As for law school...(totally unsolicited advice from a stranger here): if you don't want to be a lawyer, don't go. It's not just three years; it's that plus the time it takes you to pay off the debt. It's a decade when you could be writing instead. And if what you really want to do is write, then it's a waste of time to go to law school and spend years paying off debt. If you want to practice law AND write, that's one thing. But if you want to write... find a job that pays the bills and doesn't take extra psychic energy...and then write. 

Posted by Cleis

Anonymous said...

That's the Harvey Pekar solution C. You want to be able to participate in a profession that would be sufficient to support the writing habit. There's noting wrong with that. And for as much as we all want to avoid it, sooner or later we aquire debt. If it's for a goal and a process you believe in, and you are investing in yourself, this is not a bad bet. Unless of course it's a small business of some sort. Then it's a bit less than a 50-50 proposition at the best of times and circumstances. Still plenty people gamble more on worse odds. I say taking the time to find out if you have an aptitude for the work and may appreciate what you might be able to do with it.

Sure, you can manage to write great stuff with less than a living wage (that would be about 1/2 to 2/3 of all female employment mind you), but it's just a lot more difficult much of the time. Still it can and has been done successfully, which is something to keep in mind. And hey, even fast food is not a growth industry anymore really! Good Luck K! 

Posted by VJ

Anonymous said...

Geez fragments: The point I was trying to make here was this:

I say taking the time to find out if you have an aptitude for the work and may appreciate what you might be able to do with it *can't hurt.* 'Nuff said! VJ

Anonymous said...

Good for you on ditching the hormones. I just got out of a crippling depressive episode brought on by the patch. I'd be interested in reading how the IUD experience goes for you, I talked to the Nurse at PP about that and think it's my next move...

Just give your body time to get back to normal. If your experience is anything like mine, you will feel like a new woman within 3 weeks. Good luck. 

Posted by fierce

Anonymous said...

Hey fierce, yea, this pill has been a major bitch. If so many things hadn't gone wrong all at once... well, honestly, I'm glad they have, otherwise I might have shrugged off the depression as "normal" and stuck with it. Ack.

And Jen - yea, I got your e-mail (I have a new non-public gmail account, I'll e-mail you back from there). I've just been really out of sorts and I'm *really* behind on e-mail. As noted, I haven't been feeling well, and things are wacky. I'll get back to you soon.  

Posted by Kameron Hurley