Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Why Are There So Many Tampons in Our House?

Why are there so many tampons in our house? I was digging around for more pads in our bathroom cabinet this morning, trying to clear space around the boxes and boxes of tampons tumbling out of the cabinet and spilling onto the floor. Why are there so many tampons in our house? I don't use them. My roommate hardly ever uses them. Yet we have amassed 4-5 boxes of tampons and have no pads left but the diaper-like overnights.

Alas, terrorist bombings have not yet reached Chicago (knock on wood), so it's not like we've got any local wounds to staunch, either. But I suppose we'll be prepared, in any case.

Why are there so many tampons in our house?

I need some more coffee.

6 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

Anonymous said...

When I was a kid, my mom stock-piled cans of beans. I'm not sure whether I'd rather have beans or tampons. Not at together at the same time, certainly.  

Posted by Flash Q. Fiasco

Anonymous said...

Other uses for excess tampons:

1.) Leak stopper. In small boats, in a pinch, in broken pipes. Yes, this can work.

2.) Really mini paint rollers. Works best if you can work the hardware and are really desperate.

3.) Yes, wound dressing.

4.) Good for propping open carburetors in old 1970's model GM cars, while you spray lighter fluid into the throttle body. Er 'Carburetor fluid' I guess. Works best if the big haired GF has an an important appointment and you are found on the side of a major interstate. As in, 'I got nothin'. Hon, you got anything?'

5.) Rad Halloween & X-Mas decorations, when done right.

6.) Stopping up the toilet of that soon to be ex-BF, telling him definitively, 'It's so Over loser!' & 'Clean up your own damn messes!'

7.) Rendering this same SOB's car or transport inoperable by putting more than a few dozen in the gas tank of his 70's era 'love' chariot.

8.) Desperate late night crafting projects for the kids that need to be in school by 8am. Teacher: 'Those British Troops look so stylish Timmy. I'm guessing that's their Winter uniforms, right?'

9.) I mentioned cheap cat toys, right?

10.) Gun cotton & patches for the black powder set.

Thought you'd like to know...

Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ' 

Posted by VJ

Anonymous said...

Wait, isn't there that Tampax commercial that shows the tampon being used to stop a leak in a canoe? 

Posted by Maureen

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm yes, I'm remembering the how-to-make-ghosts-out-of-tampons website, actually...

And yet, Halloween is three months away! That's no excuse! Why do we have so many goddamn tampons!!!!?? 

Posted by Kameron Hurley

Anonymous said...

Tampon fairy. 

Posted by Brendan

Anonymous said...

Damn those tampon fairies!

I would have preferred they left money in exchange for all this blood.... I mean, who knows what uses they get it up to in their gory fairy rituals?

It's only fair I be monetarily compensated. 

Posted by Kameron Hurley