Friday, April 14, 2006

In Which the Protagonist Takes the Road Less Traveled

So, after breaking it off with our respective emotionally exhausting exes, Jenn and I spent some time engaged in conversations that went something like, "If only I could date someone who wasn't emotionally retarded!" and "If only someone was interested in me who understood my need to write!" and "If only I could date someone I could really relax around and feel safe with!" and "If only I could date someone who understood me!"

And so on and so on and so on.

And you know, at some point, we looked at each other and were like, "Well, duh."

So, after much disucussion, we decided to date *each other*.

Like, yes, for real.

I - identifying as "mostly straight" - was the real variable here, but to my non-surprise, the relationship has worked out on all fronts for some time now.

Now *there's* a Clarion bedroom pairing none of my classmates bet on.

We've started the relationship knowing it'll end when and if I move to Edmonton or when and if she gets her job - wherever it may be (I'd really like to try and join the Peace Corps if Edmonton turns me down). It's the first time I've started a relationship with someone that wasn't built on the stifling, "WE MUST LIVE TOGETHER FOREVER AND FALL ON OUR SWORDS IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT," thing.

So it's really nice. It's the first time I've been in a relationship where I don't feel like I'm suffocating all the time and/or fighting for my independence and the right to change my mind.

Jenn and I have liked each other for some time. By the time I was ready to broach the subject, she was dating K, and when she broke up with K, I was still with B.

Timing was always really off, and there's the friendship side to consider. I don't exactly have a great track record with my exes.

Anyway, here's a short Q&A for longtime readers:

Q: So, Kameron, have you "turned gay"?
A: No. I've always been "mostly" straight. That "mostly" gives me some wiggle room. It just so happens Jenn is one of those few women I'm attracted to. I still don't consider myself a lesbian feminist boxer. heh heh

Q: Do you now Identify as bisexual?
A: No, though it's hypocritical not to when you're lying in bed with a woman. It's just a weird category for me. It doesn't fit right. Jenn calls me bisexual, because yes, it's really stupid to be in bed with a girl and talk about how "straight" you are. Really stupid. Give me some slack, people.

Q: How long have you been hot on Jenn?
A: About two years, but I didn't want to screw up the friendship.

And so on and so on and so on.

In any case, I'm very happy, and rumor has it, Jenn is very happy too. Happier than we've been in a long, long, time I think.

It's nice.

I'm also getting a lot of writing done, which is also nice. I was uncertain as to whether I could both write *and* have a relationship, and it appears they are not mutually exclusive things.

I've just dated spastic people.

And Jenn, of course, is not spastic.

Which is nice.

Now we just need to get some cats. Or is it lesbians and dogs?

In any case, I have an interesting life.

23 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

David D. Levine said...

Congratulations on finding someone you can be comfortable with. The two of you make a great team.

I've really been happy to see all the good stuff pouring out in your blog lately. It hurts like hell to be told your novel isn't right, and rewrites are a pain, but your persistence is admirable and it's paying off.

See you at Wiscon!!

Wendryn said...

Not being involved with a spastic person is a huge help to relationships and sense of self-worth and all kinds of other things, I've found. Glad you have, too.

I'm curious about why "bisexual" doesn't fit - I've come across that before with a couple of friends and I don't quite understand.

Congratulations on being happy. For completely selfish reasons, I'm glad you are writing again...


Anonymous said...

Webcam, webcam, webcam! 

Posted by Nick Mamatas

Jennifer R said...

Aw, this story is so sweet.

Shame my best friend is married...(heh) 

Posted by Jennifer

gwenda said...

Aha! Secret relaxed relief behind series of great posts revealed. Good for you.(And, selfishly, good for your readers!) 

Posted by gwenda

Kameron Hurley said...

Ah, Nick.

You're such a romantic.

belledame222 said...

Hey, congratulations! great story.

Simon Owens said...

Wow, can't say that I've ever seen someone in this situation before. It'll be interesting to see how it pans out.

Kristy said...

That is by far the happiest and most oddly uplifting blog post I've read in awhile. Yay you and Jenn!

La Gringa said...

Rock on, girl! I knew there was a reason I had a secret crush on you. :-)

Seriously, though, very happy for you. And screw labels, babe. Gender and sexuality are fluid things; it's people's mindsets that are rigid.


La Gringa said...

oh, and totally not kidding about the crush...oh, well. maybe someday you'll rethink that whole new york thing.


Diane said...

It's about time! For some reason I can read between your lines and was wondering if you two would ever see the possibility of the present situation. I wish you both well! As for the secret crush of another commentator, I can relate.

As for the bisexual bit and other people's desires to fit you into a box. RESIST!

So get thee a cat or dog or both or several of both.
How about chickens or goats? Oh wait, that's me. Nevermind. 

Posted by Diane

La Gringa said...

Well, I think the rules are that if you have a cat, you need also a good pair of ugly Birks. With the dog, you need to live in Park Slope, Brooklyn and have a baby carriage. No word on whether you actually need a baby for the carriage, however. I will consult the lesbian handbook.
Man, I should know this stuff. They're gonna make me give back my toaster oven!

maudite entendante said...

Hey there - I've been reading your blog since I found your CafePress store and wrote a gushy fangirlish post about it over on my blog. I'm so glad, as so many other people have already said, to read a post this happy from you, especially since it's so timely and springy.

Incidentally, I was another of those more-or-less-straight girls who wound up dating a woman simply because she was the right person. I did; end up identfiying as bisexual, and then simply as queer, but I understand the desire to pick your own label - and a swift, brutal punch to the gut ought to stop anyone who thinks otherwise. ;c)

Anyway, congrats to you and Jenn, and happy spring!

Posted by Maudite Entendante

maudite entendante said...

Oh, and, um? Dogs ... definitely dogs.

ian needs coffee said...

It's nice to see you happy. I'm surprised but surprise keeps life intersting.

However, I don't want to see you make a mistake. So get a dog ;)

After all, Steph and I can't ever come visit if you have a cat :(

And we were thinking it might be fun for this summer if the offer is still open.

Sumana said...

Congratulations! Best wishes - we're happy for you. Have fun!

Kameron Hurley said...

Ian, I think I may just get some fish. I'm thinking this plan is easier.

And you know you and Steph are welcome here anytime! We have a whole extra bedroom here at Hacienda Chicago. Summer's a great time to hang out here, and we'd love to see you.

Just let us know what your schedule looks like.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Congrats on a relationship that is working out for the both of you. Best wishes on your happiness.

That Girl said...

That's awesome! Im so glad - I hope you two are very happy together.

I feel the same way about labels.

lori said...

B. Ruby Rich says that sometime in the 90's, the iconic lesbian animal switched from cat to dog. So you can take your pick, really.

Anonymous said...

IT nice to know that you took my advice.

and yes I was expecting it.

the bluest light said...

Yay! Just, yay!