Tuesday, April 15, 2008


I passed my first economics test tonight! Yes, that's right... I got a C! Seriously, have you seen the graphs? The graphs, oh I loathe them.

Hey, I'll take the C.

In other news, I'm mostly settled now in the new place. Furniture was delivered and mostly put together. The not-Boyfriend dropped by and gave me an old TV that's pretty ghetto looking but has a clear picture.

We ended up going out to dinner and talking for four hours. It was a good talk, pretty adult, actually, and we covered a lot of ground. I love it when we talk cause we're both so fucking honest, and when he's willing to talk straight, well.. yeah, it was a fun, adult talk, and fun to hang out with him again. Hearing about all his latest antics, though... well, it was sad to realize that I've lost the trust I used to have in him. I don't know if that will ever come back. That trust has been pretty well crushed over the last six months. It's something that will have to be rebuilt, if possible. I'm not sure he's up for it. But then, I'm not sure I'm up for it right now either.

Suffice to say, it was good to talk, and to realize, once again, that though we're powerfully attracted to each other, he's got way too much bullshit he needs to work out on his own to make anything feasible right now.

And, let's face it, yo: I deserve somebody who realizes I am full of awesome! :)

In other news, there are dates and marketing homework and I just finished some grocery shopping. I'm taking out a date of mine to see Spamalot next week, which should be fun. I'm not exactly hooked into anything serious right now, and that suits me just fine, to be honest. I like going out and getting to know folks.

It's fun to sit around and snuggle on the couch and hold hands and go out and do stuff without having to deal with that whole "commitment freakout" thing - from me or from whoever I'm dating. I never dated in highschool, really, or even college. I didn't start seriously dating, as in, dating in the sense that most folks mean it, until I was 25. I have some catching up to do. I always waited until I liked somebody a whole lot, then fell hard, went monogamous, and battled it out for a year or three.

This isn't what most folks do, apparently.

More than that, though, you know, I really like my life. I like where I'm at. I feel confident and sexy and powerful. I love my job, and my new digs. I'm going back to school (and passing, if nothing else!). I have my sweet book contract. Now, all I need is a dog and a bigger social circle out here and a house eventually and I'm set.

See, the thing is, I got the life I wanted. Or, rather, I'm continuing to work toward getting it.

And I'm really happy with where I am so far.

Wow. This apartment thing was huge for my self-esteem, you know? There was just something I needed... I needed to be able to say I could survive on my own again. I needed my own space.

The life I wanted.

6 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

Ismone said...

OMG, I hadn't been by for months (job, grrr) but have been reading you for years (you were the second or third blog I ever read) and congratulations on the book deal! I will buy! That is so awesome that the editor at Bantam was so enthused! She should be. I've really loved the excerpts I've read, and I have a few friends offline who write, so I'm really glad to see you make it!

Congratulations on the new place as well, and have fun with your classes!

-Yours, Ismone

PS--It is also great to read your stuff because you are so pro-butch. I recently told my (conservative, religious) aunt that I considered myself butch. This worried her. (I balance my butchiness with really long hair. Confuses the eff out of people.) And Mila Jovovich is awesome. I love the resident evil movies just because of her. I love 5th Element because of her and Bruce Willis. I wish they would put her in more movies. Ditto for Michelle Rodriguez who was AWESOME in the first one. Too bad she turned into a zombie. Anyhow, congratulations! I'll go hit some objects in your honor. :) Iz

neile said...

Congrats on the new place (which you get to enjoy now) and the upcoming book (soon, soon).

Clarion West had a bounce from our postcard calling for updates for the newsletter right when you had great news. We'd love it if you'd send us your new address: info(at)clarionwest.org

Congratulations again!

--Neile (not sure you remember me, but I did sit in on your class, and have shown up here & there occasionally)

Travis said...

You say it like I don't know that you are full of awesome...

Kameron Hurley said...

Ismone - glad you stopped by! I do remember your handle, actually.

And of course I'm pro butch... the alternative would be to take somebody who's naturally big and strong and tomboyish like me and try and turn her into a fem slip of a thing. I tried that for a lot of my life, and it made me miserable. I didn't find peace - and power - until I threw my first punch and realized what my body was good for.

I'm not made to be a passive object. I'm strong and smart. I can help people move! I can lift heavy objects and perform routine maintenance! I can throw a punch! I can be totally intimidating! And there's a power to that that society doesn't talk about a whole lot when it comes to women.

You can strive to be the best you can be, but striving to be what you are not... is infineately less powerful and rewarding. It's what feeds the culture of trying to turn... well, trying to turn Rhinos into Unicorns. Both have their good and bad points, and there's nothing wrong or better about one or the other. The Unicorn is pretty to look at, but the Rhino can get shit done.

Yeah, I learned that the hard way. I also learned that we, as a society, don't give big strong chicks a place where they can be powerful - not even in comic books. There's something really off with that.

So, now I'm ranting. In any case, glad you like the blog!

Kameron Hurley said...

Hi Neile - not sure if I remember you... (not an uncommon handle! :) ), but thanks for the heads' up about the Clarion newsletter.

kj said...

OH MY GOSH! Kameron, please finish your book and come play rugby! :) Seriously, you would love it and you have the perfect attitude for it. We have both extremes on the team -- the hard core, tattooed lesbians AND the gals that wear so much mascara to a match that I can’t help but laugh. I like to think that I fall somewhere in the middle! But they are all strong women and make up an awesome team. It’s one of the reasons it’s the coolest sport I’ve ever played.

I feel your pain with school – during grad school I worked full time at NCR and took 2 classes a semester. I played rugby too so I didn't sleep much. Probably like your schedule since writing is basically your rugby.

Keep working hard -- it's paying off.