Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Doc Says...

Man, I'm an overanxious freak every time I'm due for a doctor's appointment.

Turns out I have not, in fact, gained any weight since starting the pump. In fact, I've lost two pounds. And my a1c is 6.1, which she says is a pretty incredible a1c for somebody who just started on a pump (for those keeping track: the target a1c for a diabetic is less than 7.0. A non-diabetic a1c is 6.0 or less). My blood pressure, as usual, is great, reflexes all great, etc. etc. And my doc didn't yell at me for anything (I think my first experience with a diabetes doctor in Chicago has just scarred me for life. Why do I always expect to be yelled at and told I'm doing things wrong when I'm, like, a model t1 diabetic?)

Why do I freak out right before every appointment?

You know one of the big reasons I'm not good at math or budgeting? Because I don't believe in it. I don't believe that's it's an unshakable, inevitable truth, like gravity. I keep waiting for some magic.

After the last two years, dramatic weight loss/weight gain is something I've been overanxious and freaked out about, understandably. I keep waiting for some bizarre, nonesense thing.

But here's the deal, yo: I'm using less insulin on the pump. I'm working out three days a week. In a normal world, that would equal a steady to lowering weight and a very nice a1c.

But, you know, I've never lived in rational land. I'm always preparing and expecting the out of the ordinary.

This is probably why I'm a fantasy writer.

But it makes for a pretty overanxious life.

7 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

Ismone said...

Glad to hear you're doing well. BTW, have you watched 'The Guild'? The writer of the 10-webisode arc was a former WoW player, so I thought you'd be interested if you haven't seen it. I thought it was fab., and/but I play Evercrack.

Ismone said...

Glad to hear you're doing well. BTW, have you watched 'The Guild'? The writer of the 10-webisode arc was a former WoW player, so I thought you'd be interested if you haven't seen it. I thought it was fab., and/but I play Evercrack.

Jeremy said...

I don't know if I've talked about this before, but I lost about 75 pounds last year. My panic attacks are the reason, but I was happy to lose it.

However, I have a lot of anxiety about food and regaining the weight now. I was really, really unhealthy before, and now I'm just slightly unhealthy. I weigh myself every day, and I've put back on about 5 pounds in the last couple of months.

I have the same problem with math as well. Probably because one day I can be up 5 pounds, hten down six. And money always seems to have a way of coming, so I budget for crap too.

I'm getting a gym membership this week, and I'm going to start doing yoga and regular workouts. I need to keep off the weight and build muscle.

Anyway. I just wanted to say that I can sympathize with the anxiety. I don't have the sugar problems as badly as you do (I'm just a little insulin resistant I guess), but I have been dealing with very similiar anxiety. You have my sympathies.

Kameron Hurley said...

I think the best part of The Guild is that one of the characters is dressed as She-ra.

Ismone said...

I hadn't noticed that! An excuse to re-watch. :)

Jacqui Bee said...

I work as a nurse in a medical ward and I think of you when ever I have a patient who hasn't been able to learn live well with their DMt1. Some people do what all DMt1 must feel like doing at times, just pretend it doesn't exist or doesn't matter. But it does, these poor people I see (remeber I see the ones who get sick, not all the sucess stories) have let high sugars ravage their bodies and seem to accept the damage as if it has been inevitable rather than xomething they can control (even it it is very hard work). I admire you very much Kameron for your determination in all you do, for living well despite DMt1. For living well just as you. Kameron Hurley you rock.

Kameron Hurley said...

Thanks. It is pretty rough sometimes, and I sympathize with those who give up, actually. I can see how it happens.

The annoying part is the folks who do just what you say - refuse to believe that working hard will change anything.

If somebody goes, "Hey, I'm just too tired to do that," that's one thing, but to either ignore the facts so they can feel sorry for themselves or to be willfully ignorant, that drives me crazy.

So many horror stories I've heard, and so many clueless people who've been sick for *years* who just don't face the reality of it - that it's the most controllable chronic illness you can get. Yeah, yeah, chronic illness, but dude, I know people with chronic fatigue, and many of them would *kill* to have an illness that they could control the way I can control mine.