Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Norming Disordered Living

Last night, I was telling J. about the leftovers in the fridge:

"There's chicken rollups and spicy coleslaw," I said, and opened my mouth to add, "Watch out for the cabbage, tho. There's more carbs in that than you think. Calculate at least 30 carbs for that."

I closed my mouth, amused at my own default.

At a certain point carb, insulin, and exercise math just becomes the norm. You do it in your head all the time. Every time I choose to eat something, I start doing the cost/benefit analysis in my head. Sometimes I'll even count out stuff on my fingers at the table.

I realized last night that it’s become so normed over the last three years to budget my carbs/insulin/expected activity level that my subconscious assumes, at some level, that that’s just a concern that *everybody* has.

It was an interesting example of how we unconsciously assume that our defaults must be the “norm.” Doesn’t everyone live like this? Doesn’t everyone want what I want? Doesn’t everyone hold the same values I hold? If they don’t HOW CAN THEY LIVE!?

After all, I couldn’t live without developing this disordered mode of living.

6 comments so far. What are your thoughts?

David Moles said...

Excuse not to eat cabbage? Awesome!

debra said...

Wow, a necessary evil to be sure, but way too much math for me.

Thankfully, I'm a healthy girl.

Craven said...

I am now with you, sister. I was diagnosed with Type 2 a couple months ago, and am learning to read package labels. For a couple months I was on insulin, "to give my pancreas a rest," according to my doctor. I don't yet have your dietary instincts for carbs, and thanks for the tip on cabbage. I don't think I would have made that leap on my own. Fortunately, it's not a huge part of my diet, though I do like a good slaw more than most. Giving up sweets wasn't as difficult as I would have imagined, though I still crave ice cream from time to time. The one benefit to the new diet is the pounds are flying off. Keep your chin up.

Kameron Hurley said...

Craven - type 2 is much more easily managed than type 1, which I have. Believe it or not, you got the better end of the stick!

Carb/exercise/insulin ratios won't become as big a part of your life as they have in mine (after all, without synthetic insulin, I die). Most versions of type 2 can be controlled entirely through diet and exercise once you've stabilized.

inkgrrl said...

But for you it's not disordered, it's a survival necessity. Disordered living would be acting as if you had no such concern, with blatant disregard for the fundamentals of your survival. I've known a couple of Type 1 diabetics who would manipulate their biochemistry to manipulate the people around them - to surf the rush of sympathy or to get out of things. You manage your biochem so you can have the life you want, just as they did, but based on your blogging, with radically different intentions and results. I'd say you've adapted quite well to a bitch of a circumstance.

Anonymous said...

I lovvvvve that you have intergrated this into your thinking and your life. You hold the power over your own destiny in your hands, which is so how I see you. Its life and death as you have said in the past but also its just food and choice about waht to eat. You do it so well, you rock, as I have said before. Jacqui Bee