Sugar Sugar Sugar

Well, today's the first day I'm going without the midday insulin, as my doctor prescribed. I was supposed to lower my Lantus dose (my once-a-day long-lasting insulin shot that I take every morning) and go without the midday hit starting yesterday, but chickened out. My sugar count is always highest at noon, and I hated the idea of staying at a count that was over 200, even if it was only for a couple hours (the Lantus kicks in between 3-5pm and takes me right back down again). I also hate running high at noon because I can feel it. My head feels like it's going to float away, and I have trouble concentrating. But I had another sugar crash yesterday, and rolled out of bed to find myself at a blood count of 41 at 4pm.

Fuckers (no, I'm not sure who I'm addressing that to. It just seems like an appropriate response. Perhaps I'm cursing my pancreas?).

So today we're doing the 26 units of Lantus and a glucose check before dinner to see if I need another hit (I usually don't. I'm often really low by then. We'll see if skipping the midday dose fixes that). I had to take a hit at breakfast because I needed to up my sugar for exercise, and it ended up high enough that I needed to take insulin before I ate breakfast.

I realize that I'm still in this odd feeling-out period when it comes to sugar levels and figuring what the right doses for me are. I'd love to take a little less insulin, because it means I can take out a bread item or two from my carb count. I still have Atkins-induced-phobias about eating starch at every meal. I'm working on loading up on enough dried/fresh fruit to sub out some bread. I'd like to eat my two waffles, bacon, and blueberries in the morning without adding on the extra half a bagel with peanut butter.

All that bread weirds me out.

Granted, the last couple months I was sick, I was eating like a starving woman (for good reason. I was starving), and I didn't much care *what* I was eating so long as I was eating (and drinking. And drinking. And drinking). Now I'm a little worried that I'll need to go out and buy new clothes again. The sooner the insulin doses get figured out, the sooner I can go back to regular gym exercising. This morning I had to chug some orange juice before I could even do my free weight routine safely (I need to be 100 or above before I exercise).

I will be the Gatorade woman at the gym, never seen without sugary Power Drink in hand.

Right now it looks like I'll be signing back up for boxing classes in August. I figure that gives me 1) enough time for me and my doctor to figure out proper insulin levels 2) enough time to exercise at home and at my regular gym and see how exercise changes my glucose levels.

I'm reminded of a phrase I often say aloud when I'm down about my writing:

"The only people who fail are the ones who give up."