Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Half of Me Came Straight Out of Prison, Baby

Your Slanguage Profile

Prison Slang: 50%
Southern Slang: 25%
Aussie Slang: 0%
British Slang: 0%
Canadian Slang: 0%
New England Slang: 0%
Victorian Slang: 0%

Though, you know, looking at all these numbers, I wonder where the other 25% went?

Bad quiz.

I'm Doing Science

Take the MIT Weblog Survey

Political Refugees, Head-Tossing Young Maidens, and Other Madness

Tim Pratt, via Steph Burgis, asks writers to post the pet subject they enjoy putting into their work, and list what they'd never want to write about.

Here's some overarching themes and subjects in my fiction:

1. Civil war as subplot

2. Blood. Lots of it. And screams. Loud ones. Nearby.

3. Big, strong women who wield big weapons and have intimacy issues

4. Beautiful male dancers who are uninterested in said heroine. My most popular side-kick template.

5. Queer and bisexual characters, particularly women within matriarchal set-ups, as well as sexless neuter characters, sex-changing characters, and androgynies.

6. War, baby. All-out, bloodthirsty, pistol-wielding, sword swinging, blood curdling WAR. Including genocide as primary plotline, often within a desert setting. Oh yea.

7. Multi-colored and cultured societies. See aforementioned interest in war.

8. Bugs. Lots and lots of bugs.

Here's some things you probably won't see in my fiction:

1. Matriachal societies who end wars by putting together a big book that Explains Very Politely to the Evil People that Peace is Really Better, and Save the Day through their "natural" nurturing and soft-spokenness, proving that if you let yourself be a doormat long enough, eventually someone will become enlightened and listen to you.

2. Hard SF that's primarily about Big Machines that Go Real Fast

3. Anything where the social structure is exactly like it is in America in 2005, or 1985, for that matter.

4. You're not likely to see anything without bugs in it for some time. South Africa has scarred me for life.

5. Psychic cats

6. A women soldier who goes out onto the battlefield, pulls off her helm, and "tosses her long auburn locks." I'm not particularly sure what she's doing with long, unbound hair in the first place (particularly clean unbound hair that will bounce like it does in a Pantene commercial after being bundled up into a helmet and left unwashed for three months), let alone why the fuck she's stopping her horse in the middle of a bunch of dead bodies on the field to toss her head like Jessica Alba (Gardens of the Moon). Which would be why I wouldn't write it.

"Only My New Powers Can Save You, Padme"

Tom Cruise goes all Palpatine on Oprah.

I love geeks.

Gateways to My Blog

Well, it's about that time again, as google searches acting as gateways to my blog have increased a bunch in the last few months, and I'm always fascinated to see how random people get here.

Here are the keywords used by unsuspecting search-engine users who find my blog:

brutal women (the most popular)
brutal (oddly, the second most popular, which sort of pleases me, that people looking for totally different sorts of brutality end up... here)

brutal dildos
fucking fuckers

my uterus
under her heel
blogs women nj


women of deadwood
women boxing snap shots

percentage of women who regret having children

women + boss + fantasy

celibate female pictures (no doubt seeking to answer the all-important question "what does a celibate woman look like?")

hot women boxing free sample movies
brutal women fights

"my abortion" site: blogspot.com
buzzed women
africa women quotes
hollywood thin women
female cops

nick larbalestier (?)
Rita Hurley MA

pregnant jedi (by far my FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!)

Getting Back Into It, cont.

Been working on figuring out an exercise schedule that doesn't involve me paying out the ass every month. I turned my daily lunchtime powerwalk into a walk/jog yesterday, and that worked well. The route's 40 minutes at my current pace (as I get faster, I can extend it), so if I bring a towel to work to wipe myself down and just go for it, I can get in my daily jog at work every day and not worry about, "But I'm home now," workout laziness.

Add my weight routine (15-20 min) in the morning, and I'm pushing over an hour of exercise a day. The goal is to add in 20 min of pilates when I get home at night (I have two 20 min workouts that I can alternate), and I can push that to an hour and a half of exercise 5 days a week.

Not too shabby.

Still miss hitting stuff, and I'm looking for a cheap punching bag that I can use to work off stress and keep up my punching practice while I try to save up the money I've been spending on the gym.

When the money situation eases off, I can go back to formal training. Until then, I gotta make do.

Kelly Link is My Secret Girlfriend

"I'd really love to read slush for Analog."

Buy her latest short story collection. She rocks the house.