Sunday, October 07, 2007
Friday, October 05, 2007
Quote of the Day
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Day By Day
I wrote this last night and deleted it soon after because I got overly self-conscious about it, but apparently my LJ feed picked it up anyway, so everybody getting my feed via LJ read it anway. Jackie thinks it's one of my better posts, so shit, since LJ's already seen it, I'll put it back up:
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'People are often lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.' --Anonymous
"You can't fight diabetes -- you have to befriend it otherwise it will take you."
One of the gifts of nearly dying, of continually living at the edge of dying, has been this incredible realization of just how fleeting and precious life really is, of how easily it slips away.
I know what dying feels like: you go to sleep. It goes dark. Everything stops.
Everything just stops.
The journey I've been on now, this life I'm living now, this is all borrowed time; it feels stolen, and ever so precious. It means I appreciate the people in my life more. I love more. I take more risks, because I realize that sometimes, we don't have the time for second chances.
I'm even more adament about following my heart, my passion, my bliss. But more than that, I am learning all about the stuff that isn't "me" and "mine."
I spent a lot of time trying to protect myself from everything, trying not to get hurt, because I was so screwed over in my first relationship, because I became a person I didn't like. I ran all around the world and proved I was strong and independent. I thought I had proved that I didn't need anyone or anything. I had a grand merry fucking time, and I still plan on hopping all around the world, but the stuff I was looking for, that hole in my heart, that was always still there. I just got better at pretending that that's how life was supposed to be, walking around with pieces of yourself missing.
I have learned bravery. I've learned to love people only as much as they will let me, and I've learned to pursue what I am passionate about. And I have learned so much compassion. I am learning so much compassion. Because when you have been so scared, so lonely, so full of fear, you understand that craziness in others, that desperate grasping for something stable and solid in a crazy fucking world.
You learn patience.
Because life is big and loud and precious, yes, but it's also really terrifying and really hard.
But trust me - it's all a lot better than death. Better than dying with a hole in your heart.
That's what I want to make of my life now, the person I want to be. I want to let people back in. There is risk, yes, but the potential reward? The full life? Living it out as a whole person?
Totally worth the journey, even if you never get there.
We have only this life. This is what we've got. And it's always shorter than you imagined, there at the end.
"May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live."
-Robert Heinlein
Not Surprising
Which Female Action Hero Are You? | |
 | You are The Bride. When you get an idea in your head, you simply won't let it go! You constantly search for normalcy, love, and sometimes revenge--and your vicious stubbornness inspires you to fight to the death to get what you want. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
Free Berkeley Lectures on YouTube
Berkeley's put free full university course lectures online: Chemistry, Bioengineering, an "Introduction to Nonviolence" and more... and they're apparently planning to put up more (also, why do I always misspell Berkeley? There are too many "e"s in this word).
Today's Song, Stuck on Repeat
I've discovered the coolest songs over at Whiskey from a Wire, I swear. iTunes is now also my best friend.
It's not Drive, but it's still a pretty sexy song....
Artist: Lucinda Williams
Song: Righteously
Album: World Without Tears
You don't have to prove
Your manhood to me constantly
I know you're the man can't you see
I love you Righteously
Why you wanna dis me
After the way you been kissin' me
After those pretty things you say
And the love we made today
When you run your hand
All up and run it back down my leg
Get excited and bite my neck
Get me all worked up like that
Think this through
I laid it down for you everytime
Respect me I give you what's mine
You're entirely way too fine
Arms around my waist
You get a taste of how good this can be
Be the man you ought to tenderly
Stand up for me
Flirt with me don't keep hurtin' me
Don't cause me pain
Be my lover don't play no game
Just play me John Coltraine
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Stuff to Do Today
Finish writing another fucking Rhys chapter.
Chapters from his POV are STILL the hardest.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
The Disney Princesses Talk About Chlamydia
Because really, who else is going to link to shit like this?
Onslaught
Whoever came up with this Dove campaign? Fucking brilliant.
Here's their latest: Onslaught.
My Life So Far
Meme stolen from Gigi.
20 Years Ago, I...
...was about seven years old and had a first grade teacher who didn’t believe in giving us pencils with erasers. He made us circle all of our mistakes. It made every single one of those mistakes stand out: a hideous failure. I also had a passionate desire for a pony.
15 Years Ago, I...
...wrote my first book, which was more of an epic novella about an evil queen who was thwarted by a jester and a scullery maid. I was mooning over a blond boy. I decided I wanted to be a writer.
10 Years Ago, I...
...was living in Bellingham, WA with my high school boyfriend. He asked me to marry him. Twice. I was torn up over the whole thing, too terrified to end it, but feeling that terrible feeling you get when someone asks for the rest of your life and you know that saying yes would be the worst mistake of your life.
5 Years Ago, I...
...started graduate school at the University of Natal in Durban, South Africa. Learned a hard lesson about love. Lived with a lot of cockroaches. Drank a lot of red wine.
2 Years Ago, I...
...started dating again for the first time since high school. It ended badly and spectacularly, but it meant I spent some time every month for a year in New York City. It was enough time to know I never want to live there.
1 Year Ago, I...
...was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, dated and broke up with and lost my best friend, and was laid off from my first real job, plunging me into what I considered, at the time, to be a staggering amount of debt.
So far this year, I've...
...moved to Ohio, got dumped by my distance boyfriend, been to Spain and Switzerland, gotten something very close to my ideal job. Every day is a fucking adventure.
Yesterday, I...
...biked to The Greene to buy new pants and discovered that – for the first time since getting sick last year – I’ve actually dropped a clothing size, and I’m back at a comfortable weight for me. I no longer feel like something is broken.
Today, I...
...am spending time at the day job reviewing documents, working on my next novel, and continuing the process of working to overcome my insecurities. It’s going to be worth it.
Tomorrow, I'll...
...go kick some ass at my martial arts school, cause my podiatrist has cleared me for kickboxing again. Man, I’m going to be fucking scary at 30.
Can’t wait.
